Heal me
by beholdthestars
Summary: When Spencer is kidnapped and forced into a basement, he meets 19 year old Ava. He vows to protect her, can he keep her safe from harm? Rated M for lemons
1. Rip the wings of the beautiful butterfly

His lips, soft, warm, inviting, welcoming. My eyes linger on them for a second, my mouth going dry. How can someone who's so beautiful, not understand the affect that he has on people? Especially women. And suddenly, a pang of jealousy hits me. How many other women has he had in his bed, lingering in the sheets with him? How many women of the night have strolled in and out of his small two bedroomed apartment? Maybe over 100? Or a little less? Who knows? But it's a subject Im going to ask him. It's taken us this far to get this close, that would push him away.

His intelligent eyes take in my face, exploring and wondering. His fingers experimenting with the soft skin on my hip. "Don't leave me" He mumbled, his voice full of fear and anticipation. "Never" I mumbled, my fingers grazing the light stubble that pecked his cheeks. He moves my fingers, and presses a feather light kiss to my fingertips. I pull my fingers away and entangle them in his now cropped short hair, pulling him closer, crushing the air that's between us. His lips meet mine, and they gently caress them.

His lips entice and coax my mouth open letting his tongue entangles with mine. It's sweet and yet still has the desired passion burning behind it. His hand cups my jaw bringing me even close to him, almost both of us moulding together. Breaking away, as I gasp for air, his lips trail down my jaw before reaching my neck, sucking on my pulse point. "Ava, did I ever tell you how beautiful you were...are?" He mumbles his voice heavy in lust and his eyes are dark. The laugh slips from my lips. "Yes, of course you have Spencer" I murmur, before pulling his lips back to mine.

…

"You don't understand though do you? He's going to kill me" I whisper to the FBI agent tied up next to me, his eyes are dark, and he's awkward. "I won't let him, just try" He whispered back, sincere caring in his voice. "Promise?" I murmur, trying to loosen the ties on my hands. "I promise you Ava" He murmurs, my eyes widen in shock. "How do you know my name?" I hissed, unsure of how to get the ties off. "I heard him call it you" He mumbles, staring at his battered converse. I manage to free one of my wrists, the blood and red skin making it easier to slip the other one out. I quickly undo my ankles before scrambling over to him, and trying hard to undo his too. "Look for a sharp object" I hiss at him, not trying to sound volatile but we're running out of time. He whispers something about find a rusty nail, before we both hear footsteps.

He's making his way down to the basement. Before I register what im doing, my lips are pressed against the FBI agent. Pulling away as the steps got louder. "You promised" I whispered in his ear before scrambling back to where I was supposed to be tied up. "I promise" He murmurs. "Thankyou…" Realising I don't know his name. "Spencer" he mumbles before the door flings open. My eyes dart to the floor. Spencer. I run the name through my head, as I remember his soft slips pressed against mine. That's when I feel his hands on me, dragging me up. "AVA" Spencer shouting, it's no good, his grip gets tighter, it's going to bruise in the morning, that's if im alive by then.

He drags me upstairs, my feet failing to move, let alone cooperate with him. I feel tears running down my cheeks, not realising im crying. Spencer's still shouting my name, and banging his feet making as much sound as possible, but it's pointless. Within, an hour. We'll both be dead. He pushes me down on the dirty mattress, my skin begins to crawl. I know where this is leading, and I think of how stupid I've been. My hearts pounding and my breathing's ragged as he pulls down my cropped shorts, exposing my skin to him. His dirty hands make their way up my thighs, before he presses a blade along them. Fire, searing hot fire is all I can feel. My eyes are blurred from the tears I refuse to cry, I won't let him have any justice. He pulls my panties down and then I give up. Slumping so it's almost impossible for him to move me. But that doesn't matter for him; in fact it makes things easier as he roughly pushes himself into me. Not even caring that Im a virgin. And that when the single tear falls. For everything he's taken away. He's ruined me.

What seems like a lifetime, he drags me back into the basement, not even bothering to shut the door. My face is swollen and bruised from the hits his served out to me. My tearstained cheeks don't even phase me, not anymore. Im not worth anything anymore. I curve myself into a ball, and try to block out the sound of his footsteps retreating. The door closes, and that's when I begin to sob. Within two minutes, Spencer is by my side, awkwardly gawking at me. Before he does something so unexpected that it scares me. He pulls me into his lap, my body trembling, and gently rocks me, slowly and peacefully, one of his hands rubbing my hair soothingly. He pressed a light kiss to my forehead before I fall slowly to sleep. His arms are comforting and they make me feel safe and protected.

…

Opening my eyes, I feel nothing. Im numb. Maybe Im dead? But then I hear my name being called out which causes me to turn my attention to my right. Sat in the plastic hospital chairs is Spencer. His hair is unkempt, his eyes are raw from lack of sleep, and light stubble is forming over his high cheekbones. How long has he been here? How long have I been asleep? My head feels light, and my joints are weak. "Ava" He squeaks, practically leaping off his chair. Im taken back by his forwardness and excitement of seeing me awake. "How long have I been here?" I mumble my voice groggy and thick with sleep. He smiles a crooked smile which causes the rest of his face to light up. "Three days" He mumbles, playing with skin around his thumb. Three whole days I've been asleep. He sees the concentration on my face and mutters "They we're pumping you full of drugs to keep you sedated, after everything that happened to you" He suddenly goes beet red, remembering the kiss. Im somewhat dissatisfied with it, I want another one.

I look at my arms, noticing various needles and drips, big purple blotches mark my skin in the shape of hands, his hands. This reminds me. "How did we get out" I stutter, as my head begins to spin. "It was a blur really, I don't remember much, but I promised I wouldn't let him kill you, im sorry for what he has done though" He says, almost feeling guilty. How could he feel guilty for something that he never had control over? "What happened to him?" I manage to choke out, as my words jumble with salvia. "He's been arrested" He says, before standing up to leave. "Wait" He looks down on me, his eyes filled with something unreadable. "Please don't leave me" I whisper as my eyes begin to tear up. He smiles again before taking my hand in his and sitting back down. "Never" He mumbles, before, I rest my head on the pillow and try to fall to sleep.

…

The next few days blur with each other as Im poked and prodded by various different doctors and nurses. Spencer visits every day, staying well into the night to keep me company. He's the only real friend I've ever had. But it's much more than that, there's something between us,that I can't understand.


	2. My my my sweetheart

The next few days blur with each other as Im poked and prodded by various different doctors and nurses. Spencer visits every day, staying well into the night to keep me company. He's the only real friend I've ever had. But it's much more than that, there's something between us, which I can't understand.

The nurses say I can go home soon, but that's what I fear the most. I no longer have a home. He burned it, along with my possessions. Every single memory and photograph in ashes. I feel my eyes tear, as I realise Im homeless. No money, no job, and homeless. He may as well of killed me. I sit there wallowing in my pity when the door opens revealing Spencer. Lopsided grin on his face, his hair curling just under his chin. He sits down in his regular chair, adjusting the oversized sweater he's wearing, and reaching down to tie the battered converse on his feet. His eyes are warm and welcoming, inviting me to know more about him.

"How are you today?" He asks, as he sets his satchel on the floor, wonder and exploration crossing over his angular face. I shrug, unsure of how to tell him that my life's falling apart. He takes in my face, intentionally knowing that something's wrong. "You don't have to lie to me Ava, I know something's wrong" He mumbles, before pushing the hair out of my eyes. I felt the tears fall as I tried to explain everything. "The nurse said I can go home" I managed to choke out. He moved from the chair and sat down next to me, something he hadn't done before. "But isn't that a good thing?" He mumbled confusion taking over his voice. "No" I sobbed. "I have nowhere to live; he burnt my house, no job, nothing. Im better off dead" I murmed, as my voice broke. He didn't say anything before he pulled me into his lap. Gently rocking me, like he had in the basement.

After a while sitting in silence, he gently looks at me. "You can move in with me" He says, a smirk crossing his lips. "What?" I say, completely astounded. He barely knew me, why would he do this for a complete stranger? As if he was reading my mind, his words jumbled together in my head. "I feel compelled towards you, and I promised to keep you safe, and this way I can" He said. 'Compelled' He was drawn to me. "I, I don't know what to say, Thank you" I mumbled, before throwing my arms around his neck and pulling him into a bone crushing hug. "Ava, I can't breathe" He choked out. I couldn't help but laugh, and loosen my arms, as I felt so ecstatic. He truly was my saviour.

…

Opening the oak wood door, Spencer pushed it open, and lets me walk in front, carrying his satchel. The apartment was small but quaint, with the cluster of books scattered around. It smelt of musk, and wood, it smelt like Spencer. He placed his satchel on the coffee table next to the plush sofa. "I'll get you some clothes, and you can take a shower" He mumbled, before scurrying into what I guessed was his bedroom. Wearing borrowed track pants and a t shirt from the hospital, I feel dirty and unclean, like he's still on my skin. Spencer returns with an oversized t shirt, some grey track pants, and one of his jumpers. "Here you go" He says handing them to me. "I'll go make up your bed in the spare room, everything you need is in there" He mumbled, pointing to a door on the left. He ruffles my hair before chuckling to himself, and walking in the direction he just came from.

I followed is directions and find myself in quite a large bathroom. It smells like honey and freshly cut grass. I can't help but smile at how clean Spencer keeps everything. I run the water and gaze around the room, looking for something to wash myself in, before I find some shampoo. Pulling open the cap, im hit with the same wafting smell of Spencer. I strip down to my underwear realising I have nothing clean to put back on. I would have to convince him to go shopping with me. Unclipping my bra and removing my panties, I pull the tie out of my hair and get into the scorching hot water. It cleanses and relaxes my tired muscles. Washing my hair in the Spencer smelling shampoo, I feel calmness washing over me.

Then I noticed the bruises. Red and raw skin with purple blotches on my ankles from the ties. And looking at the deep welt on my leg, I felt my eyes tear up. I couldn't bear to look at my face. Pulling myself out of the tub, I realised I didn't bring a towel. Sighing, and doing the only thing I could, I cracked the door open slightly before calling out "Spence" Why did I call him that? "Um Ava?" he shouts back, confusion running through his voice "I erm, forgot to bring a towel" I hear him choke on whatever it is that he's drinking, before he rumbles about. "O, oh of, of course, be there in a sec" His stuttering's quite sweet.

I look at myself in the mirror, tiny goose bumps appearing. How could anyone stand to look at me? My usual blue eyes are surrounded by rings of dark purple and black, and there's a gash and stitching above my right eye. My lips cut and my freckles barely show. My skins so pale, I can almost see the veins. My dark brown hair is matted and wet and is begging to curl with the heat. I raised my hand to move the piece falling in front of my eyes before I notice the deep bruises running up and down my wrists from the ties. I felt the tear fall, only to quickly wipe it away. I had come so far. I would not let him destroy me. The was a light tap on the door, indicating that Spencer had brought me a towel. I opened the door gently, to reveal a slight smile on his lips and his cheeks a dark red. "Here you go Ava" He mutters, his voice quiet. He hands me the towel, before smiling. "Thanks Spence" before he walks away.

Wrapping the towel around my damp hair, I get changed into the borrowed clothes, taking a mental note of how well the clothes fit me. They smelt just like him, I was noticing how everything began to smell like him. Brushing out my hair, i placed the damp towel on the radiator before going to find Spencer. He was sat on the worn down couch, one of his various books in hand. He hears my feet scuffling across the floor; he looks up smiling at me. He takes in my appearance as he realises his clothes fit me practically perfectly. He moves over on the couch, making room for me and patting the space. I gently walk over to him and sit down, my limbs aching. I suddenly feel so tired. "Can we go shopping tomorrow?" I mumble, my eyes closed, my head pressed against the cushion of the couch. I feel his weight shift as he pushes a piece of hair out of my face. "Why do you want to go shopping?", I open my eyes to find him gazing at me. "I need clothes, and things?" I murmed before closing my eyes again. "Oh, right of course, we'll go first thing tomorrow" He stutters, I imagine a blush creping over his cheeks as I feel myself fall asleep.

…

_I feel his hands clasp around my throat. "Die you stupid little slut" He screams at me, his saliva covering my face. I feel sick as I can feel my breath leaving my body._

My eyes fling open as I gasp for air. I look around not remembering where I am when it hits me. Spencer must have carried me into the spare room. Suddenly I felt lonely, and scared, that maybe he'd come back for me. Pushing the covers off me, I stumble to the kitchen before filling a glass with some water. Taking a few small sips, I pour the rest down the drain. I gently knock the door of Spencer's room, not expecting him to be awake. "Yea?" I heard muffled by the closed door. Gently opening the door, I see Spencer, hair pushed back in a sexy manner, topless, only in pyjama pants. I forget to breathe for a moment before I remember why I was there. "I had a nightmare" I murmed. He doesn't say anything, just pulls the other side of the quilt down, and opens his arms for me. I crawl in bedside him, and he switches the light out at the side before he wraps his arms around my waist pulling me closer. "Goodnight Spencer" I mumbled voice thick with sleep. "Good night sweetheart" He mumbled. Had I heard him right?


	3. Soulmates

"Goodnight Spencer" I mumbled voice thick with sleep. "Good night sweetheart" He mumbled. Had I heard him right?

…

My eyes opened, as the light filtered through the blinds. My skin tingles as I realised that Spencer's hands are securely round my waist, pressing me into him. His breathing coming in shallow waves, hitting the back of my head. Our bodies are so close; I can feel the muscles under his skin. I bask in the feeling of his hands on me before shifting gently. He stirs but doesn't wake, only rolling slightly. Getting out of bed, I gaze at him. He's beautiful. With his longish hair, and high cheekbones. I make coffee before getting into the shower.

I'd been in the shower for an hour, wrapping the towel around me, I spun round to come face to face with Spencer. His cheeks are red and his eyes advert looking into mine. Has he just seen me naked? I look at my feet. He's stuttering and his words are jumbling. He's embarrassed. To shut him up, I press my lips to his. At first he's shocked, and then he's kissing me back. HE'S KISSING ME BACK. My hands tangle in his hair and his hand cups my cheek. It's beyond anything I've ever felt, and I need more of him. I break away and look at my feet. He tilts my chin up, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "Wow" He whispered before pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Im sorry for walking in on you" He mutters back to his awkward self. I laugh before pressing a kiss to his cheek and leaving out of the door, leaving him awestruck.

…

We head into town, stopping to go into Urban Outfitters. His face is priceless when I tell him to stay by my side. Then something hit me. How was I supposed to pay for this? Spencer takes in my worried face as we stroll through the shop. I look weird dressed in male clothes and get looks of people, not that it bothers me, im used to it. "Ava?" Spencer asks, as silent question. "How am I supposed to pay for this?" I murmur as I realise, I have no money. Spencer takes my hand. "Ava, I know, don't worry, im paying for it" He mumbles before kissing my forehead. "No! You can't do that for me" I whisper into his chest as his hands clasp around my waist. "Yes I can, and I am, I get paid loads and don't use it, it's finally going to a good cause" He mutters "No more questions, find some things" He kisses me before shoving me playfully.

Picking up a heap of clothes, I go into the changing room, as Spencer pays. Pulling on a navy shirt and white skinnies, with navy ballet flats, I admire myself in the mirror. My bruises seem to be going down. My hairs tied into a ponytail, causing my face to be exposed and vulnerable. Spencer was so good to me. I walked out of the changing room to see Spencer loading up his car with shopping bags, I automatically feel bad. I jogged over to him and helped him put everything away. "Thankyou Spencer" I murmur, taking his hand in mine. He looks at me sceptically. "For everything, I mean, for letting me move in with you, for buying me all this stuff, for not letting him hurt me, for everything" I mumble as tears begin to form in my eyes. "Hey, don't cry beautiful" He mutters as he pulls me into his arms, comforting me. "You don't need to thank me, it's nothing" He presses a kiss to my head before wiping away the tears. "Now how about we go get some lunch?" He mumbles jokily, before shutting the boot and locking it.

We sit across from each other in the small and cosy diner. He looks at me, taking in my appearance. "You look beautiful Ava" He says, looking down at his hands. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my lips. "Thankyou" I take his hand in mine, loving the way our fingers feel interlocked. "So, tell me about you, I mean I've read your file, I just want to know" He stutters, his babbling it kind of cute. I chuckled at his cuteness.

"Well, my name is Ava Louise Perry, Im 19 and im originally from New York. When I was twelve, my parents moved us down here, and yeah. A few years later my parents broke up, which was hard on me and my younger sister, but got by. When I was 15, I dropped out of high school. It never worked for me. It made me confused and feel stupid. Two years later I got a degree in childcare from college, and was well on my way to becoming a social worker, until I was kidnapped for three weeks. My favourite colour is blue, and im allergic to shellfish. I hate being lonely and ever since that night I don't like the dark. Im scared that one night Im going to wake up and he's going to be there. Ready to take me away again. I have a tattoo on the base of my back. It's small but means a lot. I've never slept with someone, and I've never been in love. It scares me to think that one person, can be your soul mate. Don't get me wrong. I want a soul mate, I just don't know if they've come along yet" I mumble, before I turn beet red.

"I think I may have already found mine" Spencer mutters under his breathe, think I didn't hear him. I choke on my coffee. "W, wh, what?" I stutter as his face turns magenta. "I mean, oh never mind" He mumbles as my breathing begins to shake. "You think im your soul mate?" I whisper. He looks at his hands. "Can we just forget it" He huffs as our food is given to us.


	4. Sight of perfection

"You think im your soul mate?" I whisper. He looks at his hands. "Can we just forget it" He huffs as our food is given to us.

…

We eat in silence; awkwardness and tension grow over us. He thought I was his soul mate? Thinking about it, the thought scared me, but made me intrigued, how did I have those qualities? My heart begins to race, as I realise how stupid I've been. I've been letting him get this close to me. What if all this time, he wants to hurt me? Break me and ruin me? Just like I was before? Looking at him, it doesn't seem like he would do that. But with people these days you never know.

We go to his apartment, where he briefly kisses my cheek, before leaving to go to work. Did he really care or was he just using me? I wanted to be certain, and the only way I would find out that, would be to search about him. Walking into his bedroom, I set to work.

…

Spencer's point of view:

She was beautiful, and so broken. Scarred and cracked from the recent events that had caused her to lose everything. Maybe she was just looking for a way out and I was giving it her? Maybe she just wanted protection and I was still giving it her? Yet she seemed so fragile and broken, so scared and frightened. She wouldn't do that, would she? My head began to ache, either due to the constant thoughts that seemed to erupt, filled only with her, or the nagging of the day ahead.

"Hey, you okay kid?" I looked up to see the familiar face of Derek Morgan, his warm brown eyes showing concern. My hands were rubbing my temples in a way to get rid of the headaches. I quickly removed my fingers from my temple, before placing them in my lap. "Oh er, yeah, im, im good" I mumbled, my voice coarse and grainy, a lump forming in my throat from lying. His eyes dart to my hands, taking in account what I was doing before nodding and walking off in a different direction.

I looked at the watch on my left arm over the top of my shirt, ticking. Tick, tock. The only sound that was heard in the basement. And then that gut wrenching scream, piercing my ears. The way she writhed and screamed in pain. The way she held her composure until he leaved, the way she broke down, broke my heart. She was so defenceless and unprotected, that no matter what, I promised I would. I promise I would protect her, no matter what the consequences and I intend on keeping that.

Ava. The sight of perfection. She was perfect in every way, from the way her mahogany hair curled at the ends, or the way her cobalt doe eyes reflected her soul. She was so small and tiny, that she needed protecting, from everything. She made my head spin, and my heart react to the tiniest thing. Even with the IQ of 187, I wouldn't of known how much of an impact she would have on my life.

"Awr, my boy wonder" I look up to see the smiling face of Penelope Garcia. Her vibrant ginger hair pinned back on her head, glasses balanced on the end of her nose. "Oh, hi" I mutter, unsure of what to say. "A little birdie told me, that a girl has moved in with you" She says, waggling her fingers at me, in an intimidating manner. "Oh, no, it's, it's not like that" I feel my face going red, as im sure she thinks im lying. "What is it like then, lover boyyyy?" She jokes, her smile getting bigger. "Well, you know… actually it doesn't matter" buring my head in my hands. They wouldn't understand. "Hey, Reid, im only joking" She mutters, placing her hand on my back in a soothing mannerism. "I know, it's just, you wouldn't understand" It feels like she pressing me, pushing and prodding me. Like an insect under a magnifine glass. Im just waiting for the sun so I catch fire.

"Explain to me then?" She clearly has nothing better to do. She perches herself on the edge of my desk, flipping her heels off and getting comfortable, like a child t bedtime, waiting for a story. "Well" I mumble, my throat going dry. "You know the unsub we took down last week?" Her eyes close as she tries to remember. "Oh yes, the one who kidnapped you!" She exclaims, nodding my head confirming what she said. I picked up the rubix cube on my desk and began to play with it. "Well, the girl that was kidnapped, Ava" Garcia, puts her hand on my shoulder, and gasps. "You're going out with a rape victim?" I feel my insides churn. Rape victim. After all she still was.


	5. Iridescent

"You're going out with a rape victim?" I feel my insides churn. Rape victim. After all she still was.

…

"She's not that!" I snapped, my hands tapping on the pine surface of my desk. Garcia moved back, in a frightened manner. "Oh my god, Im so sorry" I mumbled taking her hand in mine to make her realised I was. Her eyes take me in, almost judging me. "I know you're sorry, but Reid, think about the consequences" She mutter before letting go of my hand and walking to her office. 'Think about the consequences', Had Garcia meant that she didn't agree? Was this wrong? My hands began to shake and my head began to spin. Picking up my satchel. I had to get out of there, I had to see Ava.

Opening the door to my apartment, it no longer smelt of takeaways and books, but of lavender and perfume, to be precise. Ava's perfume. Dropping my bag in the hallway, I noticed that she'd tided. All my books were put in alphabetical order and stacked neatly on the now full bookcase. She had spread cushions on the battered couch, and put vases of Irises all over the place.

"Ava?" I called out, my throat dry, beads of sweat forming on my skin. Wait, why was I sweating? Hearing a small squeal and a lot of banging, Ava peeked her head around the door of her room. "You're home?" Her face was covered in surprise. Her tiny face, radiant in the sun streaming through the open window. She dropped whatever was in her hands and walked over to me. Noticing how tiny her frame was, she strung her arms around my neck and pulled me into a hug. Her arms felt good around me, like I was safe. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me, crushing the air between us. Her head was in the crook of my neck, mine buried deep in her hair, inhaling, remembering, like this moment could be taken in a moment. Eventually she pulls away, but looks at me, her eyes taking me.

Liquid cobalt, a beautiful concoction of little blues and greens. Her shiny orbs taking in my gaunt face. Even with the cuts and bruises, she still looked perfect. She was like the first bud on a flower in spring. That little ray of sunshine on a rainy day. Her skin glowing, like a thousand fireflies on her complexion. Her hair, deep brown with iridescent spots, shining like spun gold. She was truly impeccable. Her skin was pale today, looking closer; I noticed the tiny spattering of freckles covering her cheeks, making her look younger, innocent, like she had not a care in the world. And then you came to the bruises. Deep mauve, with freckles of deep green, surrounding both of her eyes, making her look like a panda, a very cute panda at that. The deep gash, spreading above her right eye, ending in her eyebrow, yet she still looked flawless.

"Spencer, you're staring at me" She mumbled, giggling to herself, cute and sweet. "Oh, oh, oh, wa, wa, was I?" I was stuttering again, and my hands were still wrapped around her waist. My skin broke out in goose bumps, as she started laughing. It was a beautiful sound, like bells. "Just a bit" She smiles and I can't help but smile along with her. She truly was captivating. And then I feel myself pressing my lips against hers.


	6. Porcelain skin

And then I feel myself pressing my lips against hers.

…

His hands are pressing into my sides and I can feel his arousal pressed into my thigh. We stumbled backwards until I fell onto the couch. His body presses against me, as the gap decreases. My hands are in his hair, as I tug gently on the roots. His lips caress mine, envelop mine with his lust. As his hands run up and down my sides, I feel his fingers twitch. He's scared and so am I. What if he's doing this to hurt me? His hand gently finds its way under my shirt, and he strokes the part of flesh he can find. My skin gets goose bumps. Maybe we're going too far? I break away and look at him. His eyes are dark and full of lust, his lips swollen from kissing. "Stop" I mumble. My heart beating ten to one.

He immediately removes his hands and sits up, taking in my face, his eyes are full of hurt and confusion and I've caused that. I sit up and wrap my arms around my jean clad legs. "Ava?" He says, his voice is gravely, and deep, thick with lust. I look at him, feeling tears form in my eyes. His fingers felt good on my skin, yet they reminded me of everything that HE did. Spencer realised what I was feeling, and took my hand in his, consoling me. "Ava, don't cry, im sorry" He mutters, his words coming out fast, hurting my head. I can't see straight, his hands on me, touching me, grabbing me, punching and pinching. I don't realise im rocking myself until Spencer pulls me into his arms, preventing me from moving.

After what seems like forever, I look up to see Spencer staring down at me. His hands rubbing soothing circles on my back. That's when I notice how beautiful he really is. With his porcelain skin and high cheekbones. Perfect full lips surrounded by a light pecking of stubble. And his eyes. My god, they're beautiful. Dark brown with swirls of emerald, mixing in to create a concoction of colour. It's indescribable. I gently run my fingers down his soft skin. His eyes close, and his skin feels soft.

"Are, w, w, we rushing things?" he mumbles. My fingers entwine with his as my eyes sting. "I don't know" I muttered, unsure of my own feelings. "Do you like me?" I look at him. He drops my hand and stares at me, fear in his eyes. "W wh what?" His lip trembles, and his pupils grow large in fear. "Do you like me?" I said again, my own voice shaking. He smiles, his face tells me he's nervous. "Of, course I like you" I begin to laugh, his confusion is cute. "No, I mean do you like like me?" His face grows red, and he looks at his hands. "Yes" His voice is clear as day.

X x X

Sorry it's so short guysXXXXX


	7. Two plus two

"No, I mean do you like like me?" His face grows red, and he looks at his hands. "Yes" His voice is clear as day.

…

I feel my face getting hot, as she looks at me. She's probably going to laugh, out of pity or spite. How could I be so foolish? There was no possible way that she could love me back. Was there? And then her hand is tilting my chin up to look at her. I can feel my heart beat erratically and my mouth going dry. She truly is indescribable. "Spencer" She mumbles her voice like thick, warm honey. "Spencer, you're staring again" She laughed, the bell sound coming back. I can't help the smile that spreads across my dry lips. "Oh, oh, oh, sorry" I mutter, feeling my face growing hot, again.

I feel her fingers on my chin, tilting it upwards to force me to look at her. And there it is; the impeccable beauty and undesirable lust. Her skin's illuminate and her eyes are sparkling. "Do you like me?" She mutters barley audioable. I feel my pulse quicken, and my bottom lip is begging to quiver. "In what way?" I blurt out, my head reeling, my leg starts to twitch and she can see im becoming uncomfortable. She pulls away, looking at me, taking me in, before she tilts her head, curious. She bit her lip, her doe like eyes widening as they filled with tears. Making the realisation, adding two and two and coming up with six . "You don't" She mumbles, a tear falling down her cheek. I open my mouth to speak, but the words don't come out. They're stuck, like a blade, hurting me with every breath.

She looked at me, hurt evident in her gracious features. "That's fine" she whispered, her voice cracking. She untangled herself from me, before getting up, and turning to her room. That's when I hear the uncontrollable sobbing. Her voice breaking and racketing sobs echoed through the tiny apartment. I had done that to her, I had sworn to protect her, and here I was making her hurt. How did that work?

**Ava's point of view:**

I felt my heart crack. Did he mean it? His face etched with shock and confusion. He didn't like me. He didn't have to say it. His face said it all. I couldn't stop the tears from falling, or that aching feeling in my chest. That vast, hollow emptiness that welled in the pit of your stomach. I couldn't figure out what was worse. The embarrassment, the fact I had admitted I liked him, or the rejection that had come afterwards. I felt ashamed, defeated, and stupid. I had admitted to liking him, and all he could do was stare. The way his eyes took me in, making me feel inferior. Maybe I was.

What felt like hours later, I crawled out of my bed, and cracked the door open, to see Spencer, lay out across the couch, eyes closed. His breathing came in short breaths, as his chest gently rose and fell, reminding me of the night I had first stayed at his apartment. My eyes were stinging just looking at him. I opened the door gently, before stepping out. I needed to shower, and I didn't want to see Spencer in the process. My head hurt, and my throat was dry. I had that sleepy feeling that you get from crying.

Creeping past Spencer, I could smell his scent, burning my nostrils, making my eyes fill up. I had to forget it. I had to move on. Pretend he didn't matter to you, pretend he was nothing. I slowly walked into the bathroom, before locking the door behind me. I placed everything down before peering into the mirror. It was a good job Spencer hadn't seen me. I was a mess, and enough to put people off me. My hair was sticking up in odd ends, and my eyes were red raw from crying. I stripped bare, before turning on the shower, the hot streams of water burning my skin.

Washing my hair, I brought the razor down to my skin. Quickly I shaved away the excess hair, before staring at the blade. Would it hurt? What would it feel like? Would it burn? Would it make me feel better?


	8. Irregular

Washing my hair, I brought the razor down to my skin. Quickly I shaved away the excess hair, before staring at the blade. Would it hurt? What would it feel like? Would it burn? Would it make me feel better?

…

Do it, do it. The tiny voice in my head mumbled, over and over again. Maybe it would make everything okay? I felt my skin heat up, and my hands began to shake. My eyes were stinging from the hot tears that were falling, yet were mingled with the hot spray from the shower. I brought the blade down to the inside of my wrist. I'd never done this before. I gently dragged the blade across the skin. It didn't do anything. I then realised, I hadn't pressed hard enough.

I sighed, before pressing the blade into the delicate flesh. The pale flesh was tainted by the light speckling of red drops. It stung, and then it began to burn. Wincing, I pressed the blade in again, this time not stopping. It burned, and it began to itch, and I couldn't stop the blood from pouring out. I winced as I washed the cut skin, causing a new wave of fresh tears to spill out. I gingerly stepped out of the shower, dried myself quickly, before grabbing a wad of tissue and placing it on my arm to soak up the blood. I pulled my pyjama's on before checking my appearance in the mirror. You couldn't tell that anything was shoved up sleeve of my shirt.

I slowly exited the bathroom, and was face to face with Spencer. His scent burning my nostrils. Would he guess what I've just done? I felt guilt work its way into my stomach, as I looked at the floor. "A, a, Ava" He Whispered, his hand lingering, almost reaching out to touch me. "Yes Spencer?" I mumble, my throat dry, it's awkward and im hurting. "P, p, please look at me" His fingers find their way onto my cheek, his fingers dancing across the soft flesh. I look at him, almost cracking. His eyes are red, and full of glistening tears. Had he been crying? Why? "What do you want?" I mutter my voice irritable, tired, and bothered. I stood at an angle, my hip popped, hands running through my wet hair.

"Im sorry" He mumbled, his voice was thick with tears. He was upset, and I had no reason why. "You're sorry, sorry for what? You did nothing wrong" I mumbled, before pushing past him. He turned before grabbing my wrist. I howled in pain, realising he had grabbed my cut wrist. Spencer let go immediately. I clutched my wrist to my chest, as tears fell from my eyes. I crumpled to the floor, knowing that Spencer would question what was wrong. Right on cue, he knelt down in front of me, pushing the hair out of my eyes, like he did in the hospital. "Ava?" He questioned his voice shaky.

My breathing was irregular and my heart was pushing its way out of my ribcage. "Ava, look at me?" His minty breathe fanned over me, causing my skin to break into gooseflesh. I looked up at him through my lashes, scared he would shout at me. "Ava, im not going to hurt you" He mumbles, before tilting my chin up to see him properly. "Please tell me you haven't?" He whispered, his voice thick with tears, his eyes glazing over. "Haven't what?" I whispered my own voice cracking. He shook his head at me, before he moved my bad arm from my chest. He peered at me. "May I?" I shrugged, he was going to anyway. He gently peeled my pyjama top off my skin, pushing it gently up my forearm. He frowned at the wad of tissue before he removed it gently. He peered down at the cuts, raised slightly against my pale skin. He went down to touch them, his fingers hovering, touching but not. A single tear fell from his eyes.

"Why?" He mumbled, looking up at me, tears falling from his gentle eyes. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words were unable to form. My throat was dry and it wouldn't let the words come out. He looked at me before he realised why I had done it. "You did this because of me?" He whispered. His hands were trembling as he ran a hand through his matted hair. He let go of my wrist, and placed his head in his hands, as he began to sob. I felt hopeless. I had caused this wonderful man to break down into a fit of sobs. I gently placed my hand on his back, rubbing in smooth circles. "Im so sorry, this is my entire fault" I mumbled, my eyes tearing as well.

Spencer looked up at me, his eyes darting to mine. "No, this is my fault" He said clutching my hand, his were shaking. "I did this to you, me. I swore to protect you" He mumbled, grasping my hand tightly. "Im so sorry Ava" He whispered, before letting go of my hand. He gently grazed his finger over the cuts, gently, trying not to hurt me. He leant down and gently pressed his lips to the cuts, caressing them with his lips. "Im so sorry" He kept whispering as he kissed every inch of skin that was covered in the cuts. After I had stopped crying , he looked up at me. "Promise me Ava, you won't do this again?" I nodded; he smiled before pressing his lips to my forehead. "Im sorry Spence"

"Shush now, Ava, come on" He mumbled, before picking me up and pulling me towards his room. He got changed into some sweatpants before hopping into bed, and pulling the other side of the cover down. Inviting me in. I silently crawled into the bed next to him, his arms wrapping around my waist, securely, protecting me. I cuddled closer to him, just like I had the first night. He played with my hair, as I felt his warm breathe fan across my neck. "Ava, are you still awake?" He mumbled his voice evident with tiredness. "Mhhh" I mumbled, my eyes closed, as I listen to the beating of his heart. "Ava, will you be my g g girlfriend?" He mumbled his face in my hair. My eyes darted awake, as I felt my pulse quicken. "What?" I said, sitting up in surprise. I hear him laugh, is he joking? "Ava?" He asked, sitting up as well, the blanket pooling around his hips, exposing his bare chest. "Spencer, are you being serious?" I asked, my voice shaking along with my hands.

He took my hands in his, rubbing small circles over them. "Of course I am, why would I joke about this?" I looked at him, even though it was dark, I could make out his angled features. I didn't give him an answer, I just pressed my lips to his, and hoped it would be enough.

XXXX

Sorry, It went from really depressing to super happy, but I just wanted them to get together already; LXXXXXX


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